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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28191552">Regrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spica_starson/pseuds/spica_starson'>spica_starson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Comics), DCeased (DC Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Batfamily (DCU), Canon Compliant, DCeased Spoilers, Family Loss, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Sibling Bonding, mention of Lady Shiva, minor Jason/Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:14:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28191552</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spica_starson/pseuds/spica_starson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A deeper look into Cassandra Cain's life after the Anti-Life virus struck the whole Universe and her interactions with her family.</p><p>(Alternatively: Cass gets the hugs she deserve in DCeased)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassandra Cain &amp; Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain &amp; Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain &amp; Rose Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Regrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was no time to lose.</p><p>There was still so much...life in this building. So much to protect. Cassandra is beyond glad they‘ve all decided to stay—these children...are not like her. Or Jason. Or even Gordon-</p><p><em>(</em> <em>"</em> <em>Jim,</em><em>" </em> <em>he sighed, wistful and...sad. Eyes briefly lost in what was no doubt a shrapnel of memory that cuts and pricks deep into your chest, pushed aside to focus on the present—to survive—no matter how painful it digs into your soul. She understood. He glanced at her and smiled. </em> <em>"</em> <em>Jim'</em> <em>s fine, Cass. We'</em> <em>re all family, right?</em> <em>")</em></p><p>These children needed them, and...perhaps a part of her needed them too. They all needed each other now, one way or another.</p><p> </p><p>000</p><p> </p><p>Nights are...the worst.</p><p>Sleep has never come naturally for her, even before...everything. Before their whole world fell apart. She was not unfamiliar with loss, but this- there was no time to mourn or- or even <em>breathe</em>. No time to look back and realize just how much was taken from them.</p><p> </p><p>Survive. Move forward. Survive, <em>kill, survive. Keep each other safe. </em></p><p>Her mantra—the only thing that mattered now.</p><p>She did not allow herself to think of Barbara‘s kind eyes, or the last time she heard Dick laughing in the manor. She did not think of the fistbump she shared with Tim on their last patrol together.</p><p>She did not allow herself to think about Bruce, of the comforting weight on her shoulder after another successful night a few days ago. An easy night—quick and simple. So...<em>different</em> from the nights now that her chest ached and<em> ached</em>-</p><p>Nor did she allow herself to think about Stephanie, who wasn't even supposed to be in Gotham now. Her mother too...surely...?</p><p>(But Batman was supposed to be invincible, and yet, <em>and yet</em>—)</p><p>No. No time to look back. No time for hope or questions with no answers.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Nights are the worst.</p><p>Beyond the stillness of the night, beyond the quiet of the sleeping children...the monsters lurk and scream. She could hear them, clear as day—sleep did not come to them...so nor would she.</p><p>Instead, she sat in a corner—not too close that she could be spotted instantly, but close enough to aide should anything happen—silent and watchful over the children now in her care. It soothed her, seeing them so peaceful. Their innocence not yet fully stolen from them.</p><p>A night without one of them waking up from a nightmare was all that she asked for.</p><p>"Cass."</p><p>She did not turn to the voice. As she waited, her brother finally came to sit beside her, knees drawn up to his chest as if to mimic her.</p><p>On a better day, she would‘ve smiled at this.</p><p>She didn't smile.</p><p>"You really should rest," murmured Jason after a while. "I‘ll watch over them tonight. We need to be in tip top condition if we plan on protecting them."</p><p>Facing him, face impassive, she signed: <em>You? Sleep?</em></p><p>A huff, eyes dim. "Touché."</p><p>They sat there, side by side, watching the faces of those more vulnerable than them for a long time, the noise from beyond the walls momentarily cut out as her focus zeroed in on the children.</p><p>"I buried them," said Jason suddenly, breaking the fragile peace. Cass does not stop, doesn‘t have to ask who he meant.</p><p>"I should‘ve told you sooner, but with everything going on..."</p><p>Words were never her allies, and they weren't one now. Cass swallowed the lump growing in her throat, along with whatever words she was about to say.</p><p><em>I know,</em> she touched her cheeks twice instead, trusting in her brother to see it.</p><p>Jason definitely noticed, because the next moment he was slowly wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. Like a puppet cut loose from its string, Cass melted into his side, finally allowing herself a small moment to just-</p><p>
  <em>Mourn. </em>
</p><p>She and Jason were never as close as her and Tim, but they understood one another, possibly better than most in the family. They would spent rare moments reading together in the manor‘s library, comfortably co-existing. Now-</p><p>No more words were spent that night, the two of them silently supporting each other as they accept their new reality. She did not move to wipe the few drops of tears tracking down her cheeks, and Jason said nothing.</p><p>How cruel is it that the ones to survive are the people who had touched death before?</p><p>...<em>Damian? Alfred? </em>Her hand moved as she looked at him, mouth pressed in a thin line. The only ones left. And their youngest sibling. The expression that reflected back at her was just as grim, but the lines on his face were noticeably lighter, and Cass can tell from the loose grip on her shoulder—from the set of his jaw that it was not a bad news.</p><p>"Both are still alive in Metropolis last I checked yesterday," he said, fingers picking at a loose strand on his jacket—nervous, "and hopefully they’re with other heroes too. I...try not to check too often. Gotta save the energy of the car, y‘know?"</p><p><em>And I</em><em>‘</em><em>m scared to know, </em>was unspoken, but she heard it. Saw the fear in his creases, the anxiety in his sunken eyes.</p><p>The regret.</p><p>Cassandra understood. There were regrets she would have to live with now too.</p><p>She nodded, looking back at the children again. A sense of tranquility finally settling in her chest, the anguish she felt not completely extinguished...but there was only so much she could bear at a time. These children are her priorities now, her new family, and...</p><p><em>Little brother, </em>she tugged and signed at Jason before resting a hand on his back. "Keep you safe," she emphasized each words, tugging on his red hoodie—now splattered in different shades of red.</p><p>That...startled a laugh out of him. A small quirk of lips, but Cass saw it as what it is and beamed too, subdued as it was.</p><p>"I don‘t know about me being the <em>younger</em> brother," he chuckled softly, "but I'm glad I have a kick-ass sister like you. I have your back too, Cass. Always."</p><p>She would not lose any more of her family if she could help it. New or old.</p><p>Even if she had to sacrifice herself.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Her mother. She was-</p><p>Cassandra watched as the children exit the bus and can’t help the bittersweet smile tugging the edge of her lips.</p><p>She was a <em>hero</em>.</p><p>In the very end, she died a hero. Protecting the life of innocents and...her family.</p><p>Her heart felt too heavy to maintain it however, and after making sure all the surviving children are accounted for and comfortably settled in their new home, she wandered over to the newly chiseled statue the Green Guardian—Ivy had bestowed upon them as a token of respect. A gift.</p><p>She stood before the likeness of her mother, her last moments playing over her mind like a broken cassette.</p><p>Her eyes burned and she blinked, rapidly.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>The white-haired lady. Moved with quiet grace almost as good as her. Almost.</p><p>She nodded back in lieu of a reply.</p><p>"Complicated parent issues?"</p><p>"...Yes."</p><p>A sigh. "Same."</p><p>They stood there, side by side, both lost in thought as they gazed upon the legacy their parents have left.</p><p>"Despite everything..." whispered Rose, "We still love and miss them, don‘t we?"</p><p>"She was...not a <em>good</em> mother," began Cass, trying to find the right words to describe the turmoil of emotions warring within her. "But she loved me. And I...loved her. In the end...that‘s all that matters."</p><p>A curt nod. "I get it. Really.</p><p>"I know loss is inevitable now," continued Rose, hand seemingly wanting to reach out before pulling back abruptly, "but...I‘m sorry you had to see that yourself. I‘m here if you want to uh- talk and all that. Or even just my company."</p><p>Cass was...touched. It was a sweet gesture, considering they haven‘t had much time to get to know each other before arriving here.</p><p>Smiling quietly at her, she pointed at herself and signed: <em>Conversation. Not good.</em> Rose‘ sign language skill isn‘t on par with hers or Jason, but it’s enough.</p><p>She smiled back, laughter in her voice: "So we won‘t have to speak. I can be a good listener when I need to be."</p><p>At that moment, Cass decided she liked this girl. Suddenly grateful to have her here—that her brother had her too.</p><p>It was probably that thought that prompted her to get her attention, her hands moving quickly: <em>You. Jason. Happy?</em></p><p>Surprisingly, that brought on a small blush on Rose‘s already rosy cheeks, and Cass‘ smile widened.</p><p>"We- haven‘t made it official or anything but...yeah. Yeah, I think we are." Rubbing the back of her neck, bashful eyes cast downwards in a rare show of vulnerability, she reminded her so much of Stephanie that she had to bite down her lips to keep it from wobbling.</p><p>Instead she gave her the warmest grin she could muster, focusing on the person in front of her now. "Good," she said, before pulling her in for an earnest hug.</p><p>For a while Rose just stood there, letting Cass do all the work—but then she grasped her back just as tightly, finally realizing that the hug was for Cass herself as much as it is for her.</p><p>They both lost their parent, now truly orphans like everyone else, and Cassandra‘s...grateful she wasn‘t alone for this.</p><p>"I see you two are bonding already," came a familiar voice.</p><p>Lo and behold, Jason appeared from behind them with a smirk. He and Rose exchanged a look and before he even turned to her, Cass already knew what he was about to do.</p><p>She returned her brother‘s embrace, accepting it for what it was. <em>I‘m sorry,</em> his body screamed—<em>sad, sad, sad</em>. Sad for...her.</p><p>Standing toe to toe, he dwarfed her in comparison, and Cass was all of a sudden struck with the memory of the last time she hugged their father (Bruce, not Cain. Never Cain.) A sharp twinge of pain swiped at her chest, a simple wish that...she could‘ve hugged her mother too.</p><p>Physical affection did not come easy to Jason either, but Cass knew he was tired of regretting, tired of letting people go when everything you loved could be taken from you at any moment and...she felt the same.</p><p>Regrets seem to be the only constant in their life now.</p><p>After pulling away with a playful shove, she pointed at Jason then Rose, tapping her two 'K' hands together. <em>Take care of her.</em> She glared pointedly at Jason for a few seconds before her face broke into a smirk.</p><p>A cheer of laughter erupted from the three of them at Jason‘s indignant 'Of course!' sign.</p><p>It was definitely the highlight of her day.</p><p> </p><p>000</p><p> </p><p>Weeks later, when night fell and the world ran a little slower, Cassandra watched over them all as she always had.</p><p>Her small family is safe now—her brother and sister-in-law somewhere outside of prying eyes but still near enough for her to reach (Jason had reassured her himself). The marriage itself was nothing as fancy as the movies she watched with Tim and Steph had shown, but it was...festive. Magical. <em>Beautiful. </em>Ivy had gifted them with beautiful garlands and flower chains that grew from the earth, vibrant roses uncurling at every corner to celebrate their union—a symbol of hope that could flourish amidst the dreariness of their reality.<em><br/></em></p><p>The sheer joy she felt and saw from the two newlyweds was enough to assuage her constant state of alertness. She kissed both of their cheeks and hugged them close, lips pulled wide on the happiest moment she had felt in a very long time, a comfortable warmth curling in her chest. Their happiness was <em>infectious</em>.</p><p>Yet now—</p><p>"You should rest, kid."</p><p>She wasn‘t the only one restless.</p><p>"...Jim. Rough...night?"</p><p>A puff of cigarette. "Something like that."</p><p>Silence reigned over the living garden, the stars above brighter than it had ever been.</p><p>"You were close with my daughter?" asked the Commissioner all of a sudden.</p><p>"...Yes." Her reply was careful—while time had done its magic, a balm to gaping wounds on the soul, their memories of Barbara were still fresh on both of their minds. It still...hurt, and no doubt even more so for him. "She was my...mentor. She was like...like a..." <em>Mother</em>, she did not say. Before Shiva, before Bruce truly stepped into his role as a father.</p><p>But Jim picked it up nonetheless, nodding to himself. "Good. That‘s- really good."</p><p>For once, she genuinely wondered what the aim of their conversation was.</p><p>"We might not be close, Cassandra," he watched the puff of smoke that formed around him, casual and honest, "but you‘re Batman‘s daughter, and my daughter...knowing her, she undoubtedly loved you too like one. So that's more than enough to make you family."</p><p>Nodding, already connecting those particular dots together, she tilted her head. <em>And?</em></p><p><em>"</em>And I would do <em>anything</em> to keep my family safe," he turned to her, pain in his eyes reflected in her own. "But you understand that more than anyone else, don‘t you?"</p><p>Cass looked away, his intention finally dawning upon her.</p><p>"I- don‘t want to lose them too," she whispered to no one, her fear carried over in the silence of the night, the huge vines and trees providing a shelter from the horrific wailing of the monsters lurking just outside the garden walls.</p><p><em>They‘re the only ones I have left</em>, she did not say.</p><p>Instead of a reply, Jim squeezed her shoulder in solidarity.</p><p>Cass is eternally grateful he did not try to console her with empty words.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>"SHAZAM!"</em> </strong>
</p><p>Electricity and raw, undiluted power surged through her, tingling in her veins with the telltale sign of ancient magic.</p><p>Fury. White, hot blistering <em>fury</em>.</p><p>She did not waste a blink at the corpse now lying beneath her, eyes already roaming to find Jason who- no.</p><p><em>No</em>.</p><p>Rose knelt beside him, sobs rocking her frame, every inch of her body screaming pure sorrow and Cassandra reached out, denial on the tip of her tongue- before a hand stopped her.</p><p>Damian.</p><p>Now an adult, creases wrinkling his forehead so much like his father. He shook his head, still gripping her arm and unwilling to let go. Cass could push him away despite his strength, especially with her newfound powers, but—but she didn‘t.</p><p>Cassandra Cain, blood daughter of Lady Shiva and David Cain, adoptive daughter of the Batman, fell to her knees and hung her head in her palms, holding back the agony clawing at her inside out. Hollow, <em>hollow, empty</em>.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>No.</em> </strong>
</p><p>She <em>promised</em>-</p><p>What good was all this power if she couldn‘t even save her own family?</p><p>No tears came forth despite the stabbing wound in her chest, an ugly rage building up in the back of her throat, threatening to lash out with the pulsing energy in her fingers.</p><p>"Cass," Damian‘s soft plea snapped her out of her haze of red and self-destruction, and she finally looked at him, <em>truly</em> looked at him—his locked jaws, the tremble masking his own shock and anger, and- she blinked, vision clearing. Stopped.</p><p>Nothing could bring him back. Not her anger, nor revenge.</p><p>She stood up to her full height, Damian on her elbow, and locked eyes with Constantine standing right across from them, hoping the daggers she sent him from her gaze alone is enough to convey the amount of hatred she felt at that moment and floated over to Rose, her cape billowing behind her.</p><p>Someone else needed her now—<em>move now, mourn later. Rinse and repeat.</em></p><p> </p><p>000</p><p> </p><p>The last remnants of warmth lingered in Jason‘s crushed body as she gingerly carried him out of the pocket dimension, and Cass felt her resolve weakening for a brief second, her powers slipping and she- nearly dropped to the ground. No one noticed, everyone lost in their own thoughts at what had transpired in so little time.</p><p>Her grip tightened.</p><p>Flying over to an area she knew was designated for the ones who...passed, she laid him down as gently as she could, brushing away a strand of hair on his forehead with light fingers, despite how heavy it felt to lift them. Wiped away the blood on his face with care, her movements mechanical like the time she had to dress a corpse of a dead boy they had failed to save.</p><p>Then she waited.</p><p>And waited.</p><p>Jason wouldn‘t want to be by himself. All alone.</p><p>She sat there, waiting.</p><p>When Rose finally dropped noiselessly beside her, Cass stood up and walked away, giving them the privacy they deserved. Ignored the silent tears wrecking the younger woman, and the instinctive need to console and support her.</p><p><em>Let her grieve</em>, she reminded herself.</p><p>Her youngest brother stood behind a large boulder just outside the area, gaze pointedly directed at the ground.</p><p>"Cassandra."</p><p>She stopped right by him, shoulder to shoulder, facing the opposite direction. Waited.</p><p>His fist clenched tightly, teeth scrapping harshly against each other- "If I had known this would happen, I would never have—"</p><p>Gloved fingers grasped his shoulder tightly, and his mouth clicked shut.</p><p>"Please. Do not blame yourself," she murmured, calm and quiet, so unlike the weight dragging her down to the earth, burying her under. The magic that coursed through the blood, singing and wild, untamed as the raging sea.</p><p>Her fingers trembled.</p><p>She did not cry.</p><p>"I wish...I wish I could have talked with him more before. Know this Jason better," spoke Damian again after a long pause. It was an admission, hushed, voice laced with a regret so potent, it was impossible to dismiss.</p><p>So much regrets. Always. Always<em>, always.</em></p><p>Finally, he turned to her with his cowl taken off, the pain in his eyes open for the world to see, for her to see, and she-</p><p>"I‘m so sorry, Cass," he whispered, broken, "I‘m so sorry."</p><p>Maybe it was his understanding, the honesty a huge contrast from the young, haughty boy who would hide his emotions behind a wall of anger and righteousness all those years ago. Or maybe it was the way his hand hovered beside him, a language as natural to her as breathing itself. Whatever it was...it unraveled the last string keeping her together, and she—</p><p>
  <em>Not again.</em>
</p><p>Somewhere between then and the ground, her mask had been pulled down, and Cassandra finally let the weight in her heart crush her soul to dust, Damian‘s arms somehow around her and holding her close. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, her tears creating a wet patch on his shoulder.</p><p>It was so tempting to call upon thunderstorms and lightning to put an end to all their suffering, an end to the anti-life once and for all—but she didn‘t. That was not their mission. Instead she let her eyes run dry, heaving quiet sobs into her brother.</p><p>The last two siblings held each other, grief and sorrow amplifying the desperation Cass felt growing within her.</p><p>It was a necessary sacrifice, she would know later.</p><p>But all she felt then was the despair of losing another family. The only one she had since their whole world turned upside down.</p><p>Damian was a solid weight that kept her grounded, and she was...thankful. Rose deserved to be supported now, rather than have another mess of emotions thrown onto her lap after all.</p><p>She felt her not-so-little brother bury himself into her shoulder and knew he needed this too.</p><p>It wasn't fair. <em>It wasn’t fair.</em></p><p>...but nothing was. </p><p>Later, they would give Jason a proper burial. Later, they would be there carve the loving words of the life their brother had led. They would pay their respects, just as he did for their late father and brothers in the cave.</p><p>Later, they would continue to fight for humanity.</p><p>But for now-</p><p>"Damian," her voice cracked, too soft, too strained even for her ears. "I‘ll keep you safe. I promise."</p><p>A finality. An oath.</p><p>Not just to herself, but to Jason—whom she had failed. To their father, who entrusted the Bat mantle to the both of them, in his own ways. If it meant him surviving...</p><p>Damian froze and she knew what he wanted to say: <em>Please don‘t make promises you can‘t keep.</em></p><p>But he didn‘t. Instead, he breathed out just as solemnly, the timbre of his voice octaves lower than it was a lifetime ago:</p><p>"...Right back at you, Cass."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My first proper Batfam fic. I hope I wrote them well haha</p><p>Also I did an artwork <a href="https://itsmespicaa.tumblr.com/post/634980398093516800/were-the-only-ones-left-now-this-issuehit">that shows them grieving over Jason's grave</a> if you want to see it! It's definitely angsty :D</p><p>The DCeased universe seem to take place in a mix of Pre-52 and Rebirth, bc Cass was shown to be adopted and is Batgirl but Barbara was also active as Batgirl. I just needed to write this because as much as I love DCeased as a whole, I still wished we got more moments between the batkids, especially the siblings :" I hope you enjoyed my attempt at bridging those gaps!</p><p>As always, comments and feedback are more than appreciated&lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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